Why?

So I know Oscar will never see this even though I wish he cared enough to even want to, but I don't think he knows why I asked him to prom. I asked him because I wanted a night where I could feel like the girls like his girlfriend. I wanted a night where I felt pretty and wanted and felt like I could get any man I wanted and did so. That was foolish of me. I didn't feel pretty, he never said a word about the way I looked. I didn't feel wanted, he barely paid attention to me, his eyes were too glued to his phone screen. I didn't feel like I could get any man I wanted because even though I was trying everything I possibly could to please him all the way down to back rubs and neck massages, he still wanted nothing to do with me. Heck, I couldn't even turn the head of the guy who was madly in love with me since freshman year! I didn't get the man I wanted, I felt alone and abandoned. It was miserable but I tried with everything I had to make it fun because ive been convincing myself ever since he said yes that I can't kill myself now, I have prom to look forward to and I wanted prom to be worth saving my life for. Let's just say these cuts weren't here before prom.