Wow

I can't believe it's been six amazing months (well, as of saturday). This is the best relationship ever. I can't wait for summer. It's kinda sad that Alec would be gone for most of it but I think we'll get some time together. I'm going to miss him so badly next year. I hope things all work out. So we won our soccer game last night. That makes us 3-1 I think.

Dance

Oh my gosh. Last night was so much fun! The dance was kinda awkward at first and I didn't really want to dance, but once we got into it it was awesome. Cort was really nice. He seemed like a really fun guy. I probably really creeped him out though. I'm normally a little odd after 8 pm. Maybe if he's up to it, he'll sometime get to meet the not weird me. That is, if I haven't already scared him away. Alec said he didn't think I did since he came to Sonic with us. Sonic might have been even more fun than the dance. :P We all got in Alec's car, Cort got the backseat. We got Sonic Blasts (vanilla oreo for me, chocolate m&m for Cort) and Alec got popcorn chicken and Sprite. Both of the boys finished their food before me, so I was feeding them my oreo blast. It was fun. Cort was making moaning noises while I fed it too him and he said he was having nerdgasms. It was hilarious. Something I have realized is that I can't be completely honest on this, and still post everything. That is because people actually read this, so I have to be careful about what I post :P Anyway, last night was a blast. I hope we get to hang out again.

Virgo and Aquarius

This pairing is in for some real challenges. The affair begins in the mind, since both fancy themselves sharp thinkers. Each brings a refined outlook and set of opinions to the table. They find a shared interest in discussing social issues, though Aquarius comes across as looking to new solutions, and Virgo sticks with the tried and true. Both try to be a force for good in the world, but go about it in very different ways. When dating, the Aquarian shows up, but not in the punctual way that makes Virgo feel respected. The Waterbearer is friendly in a far-reaching way, while Virgo likes to dwell in the particulars of one relationship. Virgo's uncertainty grows without more signs of sincere devotion. The Aquarian doesn't like to be locked in to commitment or routine. But these two things allow Virgo to relax, and start to reveal their deeper selves in relationship. Working that out is a central theme for this couple. While outwardly both appear cool and detached, the differences in temperament are many. Aquarius likes to live on the edge, and Virgo prefers to play it safe. Aquarius is cool physically, and likes to experiment in the bedroom. Virgo is warm and earthy, but often prefers the simple and traditional over anything too taboo. Both are unemotional, which can end up making the relationship a quirky one that plays out 'in their heads.' At home, Virgo could end up being the tidy and responsible one with the knitted brow. Aquarians get lost in their own world of ideas, and often let mundane responsibilities slide. With this pair, Virgo falls into the nagging role, and the criticism is aimed right at carefree Aquarius. The Waterbearer decides that Virgo is a downer that's trying to micro-manage their life. These two signs carry the signature of Order (Virgo) and Chaos (Aquarius), and the relationship can be marked by wild swing to either extreme. When they're in harmony, Virgo's practical visions help airy Aquarius bring their dreams down to earth. Virgo's gift for discernment can help the Waterbearer hone in on a worthwhile goal, and lay out the steps. Aquarius shows Virgo the big picture, and keeps them from following too narrow a track. This is how Aquarius draws Virgo into seeing things from a loftier perspective, if only for a moment. Virgo's gift to Aquarius is helping them 'be in their bodies' and know the subtle joys of the senses. When Aquarius can soar, and Virgo feels that there's an anchor, this relationship, while an awkward match-up, can work. This match has hardly any chance of working out. You are an optimistic person who has a natural, positive approach to viewing the world. Meanwhile, he is a born pessimist who always looks on the darker side. This guy can find a problem with almost any person, thing or situation if given enough time. You will find this completely depressing and frustrating, and you won’t be able to break him of this habit. Plus, to make things worse, you are a bad romantic match and the chemistry between you is pretty blah. So even kissing will be a big bore. Avoid this hopeless match- it’s not worth your time or effort. ( Source: Jellybean's Astro-Soulmate Guide ) Talk about mutual motivation! You both have an uncanny ability to think things into the ground, and it seems like neither of your minds ever hit the stop button. Together, Aquarius girl and Virgo boy can inspire each other to be better people with big goals and ambitions. The attraction part is there, too! ( Source: FUNgirl - Astrology ) The relationship between a Virgo and an Aquarius has chances of success, since they share a good mental rapport. However, they have different attitudes towards life and most of the time; do not share the same perspectives. Virgo is more concerned upon the specific aspects of the situation he is facing rather than the general assessment of the same. An Aquarian is totally opposite and looks for a much wider view of the situation. The former can help the Water Bearer in putting the plans into actions and achieving the results. As far as their love relationship is concerned, there may be a general formality or a lack of any expression of affection. They have better chances of forming an intellectual bond rather than an emotional bond. Their temperaments differ and their personalities differ. Virgo is rational and acts sensibly, while there is no particular logic behind the actions of an Aquarian. The compatibility of their love match is a little questionable. Both of them will be lost in their own world to pay attention to each other's needs and desires. Virgo Man and Aquarius WomanIf a Virgo man and an Aquarius woman are looking for a long-lasting bond, they better start preparing themselves for lots of efforts. He is a pessimist, who always finds some or the other reason for worrying. On the other hand, she is full of positive attitude and always looks at the glass as 'half full', rather than 'half empty'. The chemistry will not be too great and attraction more on the intellectual than the emotional level. However, they can inspire each other to think big and then achieve all their dreams and aspirations. Intellectually these two are well matched. And that’s it. This couple will no doubt get on each other’s nerves. Virgo can be quite nit picking and meticulous whereas and I’m afraid to say it, the Aquarius can be a tad lazy when it comes to household chores and anything that doesn’t involve his/her brilliance. This will infuriate the Virgo who loves to have a tidy and well organised home and believes everyone should do their share. Both of these people can and have been accused of lacking in emotion, and this is mainly due to the fact that they are both more mental than physical people. But they both need a partner who will be more outwardly affectionate; this won’t be found in each other. Their sexual union could be in for some problems also. The Virgo lover can be somewhat prudish and reluctant to experiment sexually, never-mind talking dirty and expressing pent up fantasies. That will not happen! Aquarius’s have their own time scale, time isn’t really an issue for them, they have more important things to worry about than what time the chicken has to come out of the oven or which day the washing must be done on. Virgo lives for these things. Their lives are regimented and organised; every day has a purpose and a job list. The Virgo has never been flighty or spontaneous, in-fact it scares him/her just to think about it. These people expect everything to run smoothly or else. And the Aquarius just couldn’t’ care less, to them life is for living, not filing! Perhaps a bottle of wine and a few good conversations once a month would be the best these two could hope from this union.Read more: Aquarius Compatibility With Virgo 2009

Seriously?

I really hate feeling like this. 1. I AM NOT trying to pit you guys against each other. 2. You make me feel like shit. 3. Everytime we fight it makes me want to hurt myself even more. 4. If we keep fighting like this, I am going to hurt myself. Got it? Ok. I'm sorry for all the trouble I've caused you. Either fix things, stop complaining, or end it. That's all I can possibly say on this matter. I am sick of fighting. I don't want to leave you but right now I feel like I'd be less suicidal if we weren't together. Yes, you do keep your feelings from me, and that is what I don't want. I want you to share. I love you and it hurts me when you don't tell me when something is wrong. I am sick of being blamed for everything. I need a guy who can put up with who I am. If you aren't that guy, tell me. On a happier note, I am working on both of his surprises :D I think he'll really like them. I hope he keeps them forever. <3 I have A LOT of homework tonight. 3 AP Bio Chapters and an AP Euro chapter. I am so screwed.

Today was semi-productive. We figured out what we are going to do with are plant project presentation and then watched the pilot episode of the Big Bang Theory. It was hilarious. I now have to finish a Bio lab for tomorrow morning. :( There are these awesome cute little acrylic paint jars that I saw the other day that I really want. I'm an artsy type of person. There are these cute little plaster figures that I think would be fun to paint. I'm still trying to come up with an Easter present for Alec. We have the Central Dance coming up next weekend as well as Easter. I can't wait. I think Alec and I are going to the dance together. The theme is America. I still haven't found an outfit though...

Yesterday was amazing. I'll admit, I'm pretty upset that my plans for last night were shot, but I enjoyed myself anyway. I have been craving Starbucks ever since Wednesday though. Alec and I took (what I view as) a big step in our relationship last night. I won't tell you about it since people actually read this now. Well, one person. Thank you Tyler for faithfully reading my rather dull blog. I'm working on a present for my boyfriend for when he goes away to college. He isn't supposed to know about it though. I'm going to miss him like crazy. I can't wait to get started. I've also got this other idea. It's a little odd, but I'm wondering if he might like it.

Graphic Design Class is a joke

I love my boyfriend. Even though he is being a little mean right now. We've got 2 new projects due: the art show poster for may 18, the rebranding of a logo, package design, and 5 by 7 color ad. I'm working on a cool tiger shirt. It will say Fierce on the back. Tomorrow I have to present my Spoon River Poem. I hope it goes ok. I have to wear this weird black dress with frills at the bottom and a hideous jacket/blazer thing. Let's see if I can remember it... Over and over they used to ask me while buying the wine or the beer In peoria first and later in chicago denver frisco new york wherever I lived how I happened to live the life and what was the start of it well I told them a silk dress and a promise of marrage from a rich man it was lucius atherton but that was not really it at all suppose a boy steals an apple from the tray at the grocery store and they all begin to call him a theif the editor minister judge and all the people a theif a theif a theif wherever he goes and he can't get work and he can't get bread without stealing it why the boy will steal its the way the people regard the theft of the apple that makes the boy what he is Yay. I only screwed up the last line. Well, I gotta go. The bell rang Oh, and I've got to make a swatsticka cake tonight :D Yay, soccer practice again tonight. Not.

5 month anniversary :D

I'm am sick of this girl. She is in my plant project group for bio and I took pictures, measured, and journaled for our plants before school this morning and then at lunch she took her own pictures because she didn't trust that I could take a picture of a frickin plant! And during class today she asked if she could be in my group for my comic strip project and I said yes. Bad idea. She completely took over. When I told her the idea I had in mind of making it like a super hero/ super villan kind of thing she completely blew me off and told the other girl in our group to draw what she wanted. She ignored our ideas and said no, draw this. Grr. At least I have some good friends: My boyfriend whom I love with all of my heart and soul. It has been an amazing five months and we've only come half way. Five more to go. <3 My new friend Cort who I get to meet for the first time this Friday for bowling, Starbucks, and a great conversation. :D My nerd friend from up in Iowa City, Tyler. :P The math nerd who I can always count on for homework help. Ugh. Today was painful. The lab was short, but I was having serious troubles getting up and down the stairs. My legs are in searing pain... :(

This is my English assignment

Alisha Smith American Literature Period 7 4 January 2010 Dickinson “Because I could not stop for Death” 1. The poet’s main statement is that death is kind and it waits for you to go through life first. She believes death to be sweet and not evil. She is pretty much saying that life only comes once and when death comes knocking you’ll find out if you spent it well. 2. The biggest imagery is from the outside as she passes by everything. Dickinson is often, when writing poems, writing with exclusion. The speaker is excluded from what is going on in life as the dead are excluded from the living. 3. She shifts from past to present tense in the last stanza as she describes death itself as she changes from the living to the dead. This shows that once you’re dead, you are dead. You can’t get anything back. 4. Death is personified as a person or a sort of suitor which enhances the meaning of the poem by giving death real traits and characteristics that make it easier to explain and understand. There is a rhyme scheme of A B C B. The poem is also written in Iambic Pentameter. 5. Dickinson likes death and believes it to be a good thing. 6. This is Dickinson, not Whitman. 7. The theme of this poem is death and seeing how life passes. “I heard a fly buzz when I died” 1. The poet’s main statement is that death is full of grief but not important in the grand scheme of things. 2. She talks about how the mourners have dried out their tears which shows the grief of death. She describes the silence like the calm between bouts of a storm before death and just then she notices a small insignificant fly which shows the little importance of life. 3. Dickenson talks about the silence and the grief in the room and then she shifts to the fly’s buzz which, again, signifies the insignificance of life. 4. She said “The stillness round my form Was like the stillness in the air Between the heaves of storm.” This simile depicts the silence in the room magnificently and enhances the effect of the buzz of the fly. 5. The speaker saw death as both beauteous and insignificant as she focused on the fly before she died. 6. This is Dickinson, not Whitman. 7. The theme of this poem is death and its insignificance in the world. “There is a certain slant of light” 1. The poet’s main statement is that a single beam of light can bring on a feeling of intense spiritual melancholy. Dickinson dramatizes how the light can make you feel. She is trying to say that even the smallest thing can bring us into the biggest reality. 2. Dickinson uses images like the heavenly hurt the light gives us and they relate to the fact that little things can make us feel big emotions by showing just that. 3. There is no real shift in the poem. Throughout the whole thing there is a sort of melancholy heavy feel. 4. There is a lot of personification in that the light oppresses and shadows hold their breath. There is an ABCB rhyme scheme. 5. Dickinson feels very strongly about little things bringing about big emotions. 6. This is Dickinson, not Whitman. 7. The theme of the poem is emotion and the intenseness of it that little things can bring. “My life closed twice before its close” 1. The poet’s main statement is that heaven is a beautiful place that people go to when they die, but those of us close to those people end up living in hell. Dickinson believed this to be true. 2. Dickinson uses the imagery of two horrible events and possibly a third to come to show the anguish of the speaker which shows how even though the two horrible events that happened (I am assuming they are deaths because of the heaven/hell reference) resulted in heaven for them, the speaker is living in hell. 3. The only real shift in this poem is from the speaker telling about the two horrible things that happened in her life to her speaking about how, in immortality, a third event may occur. This enhances the meaning of the poem by increasing the anguish and making the poem even more remorse. 4. Dickinson uses vision metaphors like see and unveil for revelation. She has a rhyme scheme of ABCB. 5. The speaker of the poem is in a lot of anguish and believes that even when a person goes to heaven, everyone else is left in hell. 6. This is Dickinson, not Whitman. 7. The theme of this poem is the paradox of heaven and hell. “The Soul selects her own Society” 1. The poet’s main statement is that humans are selective and choose friends once and stay with them. 2. She portrays picking that friend as selective and then uses imagery showing a person shutting a door on everyone else. 3. She shifts from selecting a friend, to keeping everyone else out. 4. She uses personification when she says that the soul shuts the door and she uses a sort of alliteration in the first two lines of the poem with the letter S. The rhyme scheme isn’t really there but if you look closely at the last few letters of the scheme ABAB you see quite the similarity. 5. The speaker feels that this is the way life is, period. Someone chooses something and doesn’t like anything else. A person makes up their mind and is unwavering. 6. This is Dickinson, not Whitman. 7. The theme of this poem is seclusion and its relation to everything. “The Brain- is wider than the Sky” 1. The poet’s main statement is that God created the brain to be smart and better than anything else in the world except him. She is trying to say that the brain is the most important thing there is in the world. 2. The images in this poem are a lot more cheerful than many of her other poems such as the brain including the sky and the brain absorbing the see like a sponge. 3. The shift in this poem is from the brain being better than anything to equal to God. It shows how God created the brain to be as close to him as possible. 4. The metaphor that the brain is wider than the sky and that the brain is deeper than the see show a sort of personification of the brain because it is not really bigger than the sky or sea. There is an ABCB rhyme scheme. 5. The speaker feels God is very important but so is knowledge and that is why God created the brain to be more equal to him than anything else. 6. This is Dickinson, not Whitman. 7. The theme of this poem is knowledge and the importance it serves in life. “There is a solitude of space” 1. The poet’s main statement is that inner loneliness can put you in your own world. I believe that Dickinson enjoys the loneliness and her own world. She is saying that humans can make up their own world that confuses and scares them or makes them feel happy. 2. Finite infinity is a sort of oxymoron that says that infinity has an end and the polar privacy is you by yourself pushing the real world away. A solitude of space sea and death say that they are there for people that need them to survive but others live in their own solitude. 3. There is no shift in the poem. 4. There is a personification of privacy because it cannot be polar or non-polar and there is an oxymoron with the saying finite infinity. 5. The speaker believes that there are some that need the death sea or space but it is the intelligent ones that only need their own infinite privacy in their own world. 6. This is Dickinson, not Whitman. 7. The theme of this poem is inner loneliness and its reason for being. “Water, is taught by thirst” 1. The poet’s main statement is that you don’t know what you have until it’s gone. 2. There are many images in the poem such as that when you are thirsty, you learn that water can quench it. When you are stuck on/ in the ocean, all you want is land. We wouldn’t need peace if we didn’t have a thirst for battle. When someone dies you realize how much you truly love them. And just as birds struggle in the snow, she is struggling through life. 3. There are no shifts in this poem, just a deep meaning and relation to her life. 4. There is no figurative language or sound devices, just a deep understanding. 5. The speaker is having trouble getting through life and is relating it to many other difficult times. 6. This is Dickinson, not Whitman. 7. The theme of this poem is something missing and why it is so important. Whitman “When I Heard the Learn’d Astronomer” 1. The poet’s main statement is that sometimes knowing and defining things ruins their beauty. Humans like mystery and sometimes that’s the better way to live your life. 2. The images that come to mind with this poem are facts and figures and charts and diagrams of information and a man running out of the room and looking up at the beautiful night sky filled with stars and while not understanding why or how, just believing in anything. 3. The shift is from learning about everything to running out the door which enhances that people would rather not know. 4. There is a bit of alliteration in the last lines with the mystical moist night-air and silence at the stars. 5. The speaker believes it is far better to love the silence of not knowing then know everything and ruin it all. 6. The importance of the title is that it shows that the astronomer is smart and knows what he is talking about and he portrays the knowledge that this man does not want to know. 7. The theme of this poem is knowledge and how you sometimes just don’t want to know. “By the Bivouac’s Fitful Flame” 1. The poet’s main statement is that as one is sneaking or escaping, he may reflect on life, death, the past, loved ones, and people far away. 2. The images that this poem portrays are the darkness and the outline of the tents, fields and woods. 3. The poem shifts from the beauty of the darkness around this man to him sneaking around and being watched. This shift enhances the idea of reminiscing upon life. 4. The shrubs and trees are personified when it says “as I lift my eyes they seem to be stealthily watching me” and the “solemn and slow procession” in a sneak attack on “the tents of the sleeping army.” While the subject is doing this sneaky procession, he reflects on “tender and wondrous thoughts.” 5. Whitman enjoys reflecting upon life and other beauteous things. 6. The importance of the title is that it tells you who and what the subject is (a bivouac- a man sneaking around trying not to get caught by the night guard) and it tells us about his restless wandering and traveling and hiding (his fitful flame). 7. The theme of this poem is reflection and how at the oddest times you reflect upon your life. “I Hear America Singing” 1. The poet’s main statement is that while everyone’s job is different, they all sing equally melodious tunes; everyone is equal. 2. The images of this poem are many and they show every one of these hard working middle class individuals at their job, enjoying themselves and working hard. The poet does not use rich, corporate bosses as a depiction, but common people. 3. The only shift in this poem is from talking about hard working men to women to friendly fellows celebrating at the end of the day. 4. There is a sort of rhythm heard when the poem is given voice and in the length of the lines and a sort of alliteration with the mason makes and the boatman… belongs… boat, not to mention the ing’s. 5. The speaker loves America and the equality within it. 6. The importance of the title is to show the happy pride in the performance of everyone’s labor. 7. The theme of this poem is equality and the happiness found within it. “A Noiseless Patient Spider” 1. The poet’s main statement is that the soul reaches out for a connection, for a meaning, just as a spider spins its thread. 2. The images are a spider throwing out its web trying to string a web and of a person’s mind reaching out, desperately trying to make a connection. 3. The shift is more of a link between the spider and the soul and between stanzas. 4. There is a big metaphor saying that a spider is like the subject’s soul. It’s quite odd to compare one’s soul with a spider because a spider is a rather foul creature which might be why the subject is having so much trouble seeking and anchor. 5. The speaker feels sort of lost in an endless sea and can’t seem to find their way out. 6. The title of this poem shows that the spider/soul, even with all the difficulty and frustration of not finding an anchor, will continue on patiently until something finally takes hold. 7. The theme of this poem is connection of the soul and the patience you need sometimes for it to happen.

Hey everyone, what's up? I've been working on my English homework today. It's crazy. I'm also working on Alec's notes: one a day for the entire break. I haven't gotten all my homework done yet so I'm kinda screwed... I'm working my butt off though. I got to get back to my homework, sorry. Maybe I'll talk later.

Forever In The Past

Wow, has it really been this long? I expected to post this summer but apparently I was crazy busy. Since no one actually reads this, I guess it's just kinda a diary to myself, huh? Well, ok. At 11:29 I weighed 158 That is going to change. I plan on working out and I'm going to try to cut down to 145. It shouldn't be that hard. I plan to lift every hour on the hour today :P I'm going crazy. Oh, and I'm writing notes every day during break to my AMAZING boyfriend Alec :) We had a little problem involving Tyler Chenall from Iowa City West but I think we've got that all cleared up and I don't believe it will happen again as long as I don't bring him up. His mom scares me a little. She wants to know everything about me. I'd like to keep my life private, thank you so very much. So, I have lots of homework to do during break... Here's a breakdown of it: Bio: Chapter 25 Chapter 26 Chapter 27 Online Tests PreCalc: Standardized Test Prep Practice Test Online Homework Homework in Book AMC 10 Stat: Review Chapter 7 Lunch: Hang with Alec sometime during break Euro: Chapter 22 Chapter 24 "Idea Diagrams" DBQ? GC: Sketches AmLit: Poem Page Home: Clean Room Work Out Ugh. It's a lot, isn't it? I was at the wrestling tournament on Saturday and yesterday my mom and I went out shopping so I haven't had a chance to even start on it yet. Today I plan on accomplishing: Bio: Chapter 25 Chapter 25 Online Test PreCalc: Online Homework AmLit: Poem Page Home: Work Out

Oh my gosh, today was so much fun! I loved it. I got to go hang out with Justin and Ben to go for a walk to Gateway and then we went back and got to hang with a bunch of my other friends (including Lucas). I would love to hang with these guys more often. I'm sad that I just started hanging with them at the end of the year. I wish I could hang with them. Maybe this summer! We could have like a cookout or something at Jester Park or somewhere else like that. It would be awesome.

We might actually get to go to Cici's after the varsity game tonight. There's this dude though that really needs to back off. He keeps touching me and begging me to go out with him and I don't want to lead him on but I dont want to hurt him. I'm not quite sure what I'm going to end up doing. Finals week is coming up really fast. It's kinda scary, to tell you the truth. We went to Mr. Hepburn's chemistry demo thing today. It was really fun. I think it was his birthday as well but I forgot to tell him happy birthday. It's Tricia's birthday tomorrow. :D I gave her a cow thats tag said "Hi, I'm a penguin and I love hugs and smiles." She loved it. She's obsessed with penguins so I thought it would be kinda different. I'm hoping to go shopping this weekend. My m0m claims she won't let me get anymore bikini's but I don't believe her. I kinda want to go shopping for a dress. Idk why, I just love dress shopping. Multimedia is really boring. We're supposed to be making these podcast things about some random junk and I'm not sure what I'll do mine on. I'll probably just read my flog entries. That should work. If you haven't read it, you should check it out. Unfortunately, though, I'm not all caught up yet. I really need to work on it, but I kinda want to make it a book and just write it over the summer. Who knows... So my ex-boyfriend and I are friends again. I wonder how l0ng that is going to last. We always end up fighting over something and then hating each other for, like, ever. I'm hoping we can hang out sometime this summer. It would be nice to be friends with him again. The only bad thing about hanging with him is the fact that he's so small. He is REALLY skinny and it's kinda tough not feeling inferior or like crap when he is around because I'm so much bigger than him. I'm not saying I'm fat or anything, but I just don't like being the biggest of my friends. Things are going great with Vikki and Zach. I love hearing about all the stuff they do together. :P Not. I saw her SUV in their driveway while riding the bus home yesterday. I wonder what she was doing there so close to gametime... ;) I'm pretty bored so I'll end this post here.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice???

Last soccer game tonight... I doubt I'll even get to play though. I suck. That, and coach hates me. So life is going absolutely horribly. I'm an idiot and I need to get over all this stupid stuff. NO GUYS. At all. Seriously. Or at least not until I'm 16. I'm tired of all this crap that comes with them. And lately, some people have pointed out how much I suck at life. Some have told me to go die but I don't think I'll do anything that drastic. How's life? Mine's not that great but that doesn't matter. Someone wise told me that I should never let myself cry and that I should always smile. That is what I'm planning on doing. All smiles, no tears. As soon as other people start believing it, maybe I will too. At least, that's what I'm hoping.

I wanna be remembered as the girl who always smiled; the one who could always brighten your day, even if she couldnt brighten her own.

-- what is love ? -- Are your palms sweaty, is your heart racing and is your voice caught withinyour chest?? -it isn`t love, it`s like. You can`t keep your eyes or hands off of them, am I right?? -it isn`t love, it`s lust. Are you proud, and eager to show them off? - it isn`t love, it`s pride. Do you want them because you know they`re there?? -it isn`t love, it`s loneliness. Are you there because it`s what everyone wants?? -it isn`t love, it`s loyalty. Are you there because they kissed you, or held your hand?? -it isn`t love, it`s low confidence. Do you stay for their confessions of love, because you don`t want to hurtthem?? -it isn`t love, it`s pity. Do you belong to them because their sight makes your heart skip a beat?? -it isn`t love, it`s infatuation. Do you pardon their faults because you care about them?? -it isn`t love, it`s friendship. Do you tell them every day that they are the only one you think of?? -it isn`t love, it`s a lie. Are you willing to give all of your favorite things for their sake?? -it isn`t love, it`s charity. Does your heart ache and break when they`re sad?? -then it`s l o v e. Do you cry for their pain, even when they`re strong?? -then it`s l o v e. Do their eyes see your true heart, and touch your soul so deeply it hurts?? -then it`s l o v e. Do you stay because a blinding, incomprehensible mix of pain andrelation pulls you close and holds you there?? -then it`s l o v e. Do you accept their faults because they`re a part of who they are?? -then it`s l o v e. Are you attracted to others, but stay with them faithfully without regret?? -then it`s l o v e. Would you give them your heart, your life, your death??

Today was GPML!!! I loved it so much. I sucked but I wasn't really actually trying so it doesn't matter too much. What does matter is that I got to sit by Kevin on the bus ride home today. :D He makes me really happy and I can't quite understand why. He's so sweet. Yeah, he's a dork but that's one of the things I love the most about him: he doesn't let that bother him. He taught us (Me Sarah and Alick) how to play Hearts. I still don't really understand it yet but maybe that will be a reason to get to hang out with him more. I wish there was some way to show him how much I like him without showing it. Like some way to show him how much I like him that will make him like me back in the same way. I don't really want him to know how much I like him if I'm going to end up hurt. I kind of gave up on Lucas. We're just friends now and I like it better this way. Now, unfortunately, I'm focused on one guy and starting to be crazy about him. Well, maybe not starting... The bus was freezing cold as was the rest of the compatition. I kind of wished that Kevin would've put his arm around me or something. Like if he could've kept me warm, that would've been amazing. I noticed his hands today. I know that sounds kind of weird and there's no way to explain it to make it not sound weird but I really liked them. They looked really big and strong and I kind of drifted off into La La Land a couple of times dreaming about what it would feel like to have those hands holding me. Holding my hand or holding my body. Anyway, I know that was weird, it just had to be said. What do guys do when they want to hold your hand but are too nervous to? I thought it was that they put their hand either next to them or on their leg so you could grab it. I have no clue but I wasn't sure if Kevin wanted to hold my hand today or not. I kind of really wanted to hold his but I wasn't sure if I should've. I figured it would've been pretty embarrassing if he pulled his hand away and told me that he wasn't interested right there in the middle of the bus. I'd rather he just told me that in private. I figured that maybe I should probably get over him pretty soon because in a few days he will probably decide that he doesn't want to be around me anymore and that he isn't interested in me at all (because that's what normally happens). I just can't. You know when you sort of know someone but maybe not well enough to know everything about them and so you dream about them and make them the most amazing person ever? Well that's pretty much what I've done to Kevin. Everytime I dream about him, he is this absolutely amazing and romantic guy so if he ever does decide he wants to be with me, he's got a lot to live up to. :P Guys are really difficult. Honestly, if anyone ever asked me out I would almost always give them a chance unless I have something against them. I know what it feels like to be rejected and I would never want anyone else to feel that way so I believe in giving people chances. Am I the only person who believes that? I was quite loopy today. I seem to get that way a lot. It's actually quite enjoyable. So I am crazy about a guy who I probably have no chance with and who isn't into me. Yay. I hope he's still willing to be friends with me though even while I try to get over him. For now though, I don't want to get over him. I want to live and sleep and dream on this happy little high he has given me. I want to dream about this amazing guy every night and never let the idea of he and I together go. I won't let it show in public, the way I feel about him, but I will dream about him for as long as I can get away with it. I kind of need it right now. The idea of a guy. It's nice to have and perfect to dream about. I just wish someday someone would feel the same way towards me. That someone might go to sleep some night and dream about being with me forever. Maybe someday, right?

Ignore some of the other stuff from earlier. We were just kinda messing around in class because we have nothing better to do. At least I'm getting along better with Tony now though. He used to call me a bitch everyday and get really pissed at me but we're good friends now. I only recently realized how absolutely horrible we were for each other. But he's kinda a good friend now. Or almost one.

So I was in the most amazing mood today. I can't take credit for it though. It is pretty much Kevin's fault. Well, I don't know if I should say fault... Then again, I am never that exstactically happy. He is such a sweetie. I texted him this morning and asked him to sit by me at lunch. I wasn't kidding but I didn't think he'd actually want to though. He didn't text me back so I figured that he either hadn't checked his messages or he didn't want to. At lunch I was hanging with my friends and then I turned around and realized that he was sitting behind me. I wanted to go sit by him but I was way too nervous to so I just stayed where I was. I wish I had gone and sat by him though. Why can't guys just be clear about how they feel? I mean, why can't they just walk up to you and tell you either "Yes, I like you and I want to be with you" or "No, I don't like you and you have absolutely no chance with me"? Why must they always be so complicated. I don't believe in making all this relationship junk complicated. If I like a guy, I tell him. I would much appriciate if he did the same. Like when I tell him I like him, I wish that he would be like that's nice but you don't have a chance with me because I don't like you. It would make things so much simpler. Anyway. So we have GPML practice tomorrow at 12:45. It's going to be so much fun. I can't wait to hang out with everybody. ;) So soccer practice yesterday was so hard. Coach was really pissed off so it was killer. Although it was pretty fun discussing suicide. We found out that my house is hang proof. It's stupid. Vikki wants to punch our coach. We are all pretty pissed at him. He says we aren't working hard enough in practice. So yeah, I was really hyper happy today. I like guys. :P They're so pretty. Oh and apparently I'm stalking my ex-boyfriend and am following him to church. (Not really though people so don't actually believe me. We're just messing around in 8th hour and I'm writing down the stuff we talk about) So guys, be more clear about your feelings. Seriously. Please. Oh, and Kevin, :) Elmo loves his goldfish; his crayons too. That's Elmo's world!

No school today!!! Well, no school at Central. I'm still stuck going to school at North Polk though. It kinda sucks. Especially because my first class there starts at 1:48 and Cole wants to leave at 12. What the heck am I supposed to do for 2 hours? I'll probably just sit here and blog. So I just recently realized that I have comments on here. Yay. There's one that I'm especially thrilled about. It's good to finally understand that the plural of smoosh is smeesh. Kevin, I bet you are really good at writing. And even if you aren't, you're good at everything else so it won't matter too much. I can't wait for state GPML this Saturday! It's going to be so much fun. :D

I've been pretty lonely lately. Zoe and Greta are in the middle of some stupid fight and friends I've just recently gained have been drifting away. It's not a great time in my life right now. I'm not getting any skinnier either. I'm working really hard at it and I thought soccer would help but it doesn't work as well as XC. I can't wait until the summer. I'm going to set my goal right now. I hope to be able to run for 1 hour every day this summer. And work out (lift and exercise). Multimedia is really boring right now. We are still working on our movie but don't have anything to do in class so I'm just randomly blogging.