Today was GPML!!! I loved it so much. I sucked but I wasn't really actually trying so it doesn't matter too much. What does matter is that I got to sit by Kevin on the bus ride home today. :D He makes me really happy and I can't quite understand why. He's so sweet. Yeah, he's a dork but that's one of the things I love the most about him: he doesn't let that bother him. He taught us (Me Sarah and Alick) how to play Hearts. I still don't really understand it yet but maybe that will be a reason to get to hang out with him more. I wish there was some way to show him how much I like him without showing it. Like some way to show him how much I like him that will make him like me back in the same way. I don't really want him to know how much I like him if I'm going to end up hurt. I kind of gave up on Lucas. We're just friends now and I like it better this way. Now, unfortunately, I'm focused on one guy and starting to be crazy about him. Well, maybe not starting... The bus was freezing cold as was the rest of the compatition. I kind of wished that Kevin would've put his arm around me or something. Like if he could've kept me warm, that would've been amazing. I noticed his hands today. I know that sounds kind of weird and there's no way to explain it to make it not sound weird but I really liked them. They looked really big and strong and I kind of drifted off into La La Land a couple of times dreaming about what it would feel like to have those hands holding me. Holding my hand or holding my body. Anyway, I know that was weird, it just had to be said. What do guys do when they want to hold your hand but are too nervous to? I thought it was that they put their hand either next to them or on their leg so you could grab it. I have no clue but I wasn't sure if Kevin wanted to hold my hand today or not. I kind of really wanted to hold his but I wasn't sure if I should've. I figured it would've been pretty embarrassing if he pulled his hand away and told me that he wasn't interested right there in the middle of the bus. I'd rather he just told me that in private. I figured that maybe I should probably get over him pretty soon because in a few days he will probably decide that he doesn't want to be around me anymore and that he isn't interested in me at all (because that's what normally happens). I just can't. You know when you sort of know someone but maybe not well enough to know everything about them and so you dream about them and make them the most amazing person ever? Well that's pretty much what I've done to Kevin. Everytime I dream about him, he is this absolutely amazing and romantic guy so if he ever does decide he wants to be with me, he's got a lot to live up to. :P Guys are really difficult. Honestly, if anyone ever asked me out I would almost always give them a chance unless I have something against them. I know what it feels like to be rejected and I would never want anyone else to feel that way so I believe in giving people chances. Am I the only person who believes that? I was quite loopy today. I seem to get that way a lot. It's actually quite enjoyable. So I am crazy about a guy who I probably have no chance with and who isn't into me. Yay. I hope he's still willing to be friends with me though even while I try to get over him. For now though, I don't want to get over him. I want to live and sleep and dream on this happy little high he has given me. I want to dream about this amazing guy every night and never let the idea of he and I together go. I won't let it show in public, the way I feel about him, but I will dream about him for as long as I can get away with it. I kind of need it right now. The idea of a guy. It's nice to have and perfect to dream about. I just wish someday someone would feel the same way towards me. That someone might go to sleep some night and dream about being with me forever. Maybe someday, right?